


Cowardice Is Next to Godliness

by marshmallow_mitch



Category: Dawson's Creek
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23898187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marshmallow_mitch/pseuds/marshmallow_mitch
Summary: She is only twenty.Joey's thoughts in "Love Bites" as she stands on Eddie's porch.
Relationships: Joey Potter/Pacey Witter
Kudos: 26





	Cowardice Is Next to Godliness

“ _When I was afraid of everything, I was never afraid to love you and I could love you again. I could. I'm telling you, this could_ \--”

He was right. About so many things. Deep down, she knows this could be it. He could be it. Forever. Period.

But she is only twenty. She is only twenty and she has never been to Paris.

She is only twenty and she has barely been anywhere; except for one summer on a sailboat with a boy.

If only she would ask, maybe even if she didn’t, he would take her to Paris. He would take her everywhere.

And he was right. That terrifies her. In so many ways. Because that same boy had left her crying on the dance floor at their senior prom. She has forgiven almost everything about that night, but she doesn’t think she’ll ever get over being reduced to some damned high school cliché.

She is not trivializing her role in their demise; knows her complicity in their past issues. Her unwavering loyalty to Dawson had been a problem, even when she had said all the right words to him like _you’re my future_ and _I’m not going anywhere without you_ ; even when she had fucking _meant them._

But all the same, she couldn’t let go of the only happy home she had known: the place she ran to when hers blew up in spectacular fashion (dead mother, jailed father, an older sister trying to survive the aftermath while starting her own family); where she could just lie in his bed and hear him critique movies and live in his world where she didn’t have to worry about anything that mattered.

Unlike with Pacey (ever since he pulled over to kiss her that early morning on the side of the road) when everything has always _mattered._ He prodded and wheedled and antagonized her until he got under her fucking skin and there are days when she doesn’t bother convincing herself that he’s not still there.

 _This could be it_ , he said. She believed him then and believes him now and she can’t process what that’ll mean if he’s taken away from her. If he takes it away from her. Again.

And if she’s really being honest with herself (because if not now, then when?), she isn’t just afraid of him. She’s afraid for him. Despite the multitude of ways she’s played dumb when it comes to her feelings for him, she knows she’s perfectly capable of breaking his heart to save her own. Again (maybe she kind of already did?).

Fear has dictated most of her life and she doesn’t trust her hollow refutations to the contrary. So, she’s bound and determined not to drag him along this time.

When you got right down to it, she’s practically a martyr. She imagines him rolling his eyes. _Okay, Potter_ , he says. _You win. Happy?_

Smiles sadly at the thought. Even the Pacey of her own conjuring knows she hasn’t won a goddamn thing.

She makes up her mind (fidgets with her coat, bites her lip, blinks away unshed tears).

Knocks on the door.


End file.
